sudden healing

Nathan was running around like a crazy man today (alongside Carson) and they were racing back and forth across the living room. Nathan got going a little to fast and smacked right into the wall. He was crying and saying, "my toe, my toe" and lifting it up as Greg was cuddling him. The TV was on in the background and suddenly Nathan totally stopped crying and cuddling, sat up and said, "Pizza!!" On the TV was a Dominoes Pizza commercial.

I've been awful

I've not been keeping up with my bright spots and I need to.

Anyhow, I know it's early in the day, but an old friend just posted this on Facebook and I got a really good laugh.

This is 11 or 12 years old. Check out my super cool t-shirt!

eating out

I was out of town for a few days.

I met my mom for lunch today. Everyone knows how much I love to eat out.

Their New Home

I helped my husband and my dad move their new furniture to their new house in Springfield. This is the first time I've seen their new home. I love it. It's so nice and completely, completely different from their former home so it's fun to be somewhere new.

Cheap, Cheap

My mom's former company (the company closed down unexpectedly) is a major home builder. They are selling off all the furniture that was in their display homes. It's new stuff and they are selling it cheap.

Now, we don't need anything enough to justify spending money, except that Carson has a bunk bed with no mattress up top since he wasn't old enough to sleep up there. They are selling the twin mattress for $50! Wahoo! A brand new, very good mattress for that is awesome.

Editing to add that my dad found a boy's bedroom set that he really liked and wanted to buy for Nathan. So once Nathan's moved over to a big boy bed, he'll have a very nice, solid wood, bedroom set. It's so gorgeous and boyish.

dinner out

My mom is here and so she took us out to dinner last night. I love to eat out, but we can't really afford it so I never pass over an offer for her to take us out.

Naptime.

Stretching again....I got to take a short nap this afternoon.

I'm really not sure.

Maybe that Greg went to the grocery store for some things and is going to pick up some Oreos while he's out.

I'm sure you can guess by this pathetic attempt to find a bright spot that today the meds did nothing. ARGHH! What's with the ups and downs?

Great Morning

yesterday's bright spot was my husband reading the reasons the boys told me they loved him. They each told me 4 things and I have a great video of it, but blogger did not want to cooperate with uploading it last night so maybe I'll give it a try again soon.

Today's moment: (although I feel depressed this late afternoon and evening, I had a very good morning and lunch time. I actually sat and ate meals with the boys and chatted, we ran errands to several stores (it was so hot though so we quit errands at 10am). I got some bins for organizing in Nathan's closet and those cheapy drawers from Target's ad to organize some things in Carson's closet. When we got home, I got to get some things organized.

The amazing part of the day is that the kids watched NO cartoons. I was not sleepy and tired this morning so they weren't watching PBS Kids while I snoozed on the couch. I know to most moms that sounds like it shouldn't be a big thing, but usually it's on for a long time.

And as a bonus, The Big Bang Theory is on tonight!

Swimmy, swim

Well, the medicine isn't having much effect today, but no negative side effects.

Now to the bright spot... My nephew's birthday pool party was today and it was packed with wild 3-6 year olds and a ton of adults I didn't know and I was not all anxious. Yep, no anxiety attacks. There was even a time when I had 4 kids (3 of whom I did not know at all) literally climbing on me and asking to jump off of me. I let them use me as a springboard and kind of enjoyed it.

Also, Carson is still not a brave soul, but it was Nathan's first time since he was a few months old that he's seen a pool and he got in with me. After a while he got a big wave of water shoved up his nose and mouth and he was crying and wanted out, but later, he wanted back in! He loved it and had so much fun. He did not want to spend any time where he was not belly to belly with me, but he was kicking his feet and splashing around. He also discovered the water jet and had a good time letting it tickle him.
Funny extra, he would NOT take his shoes off, but he was in crocs so we just let him wear them in the pool.

So far, so good

I do feel different today. I have more energy. I didn't sleep on the couch at all today. I haven't been anxious or had any other side effects so far. I will be on this dose for 1 week and then up it one week and then up it again if all is going well.

I was so afraid to try this and I don't know if I was afraid of the side effects or afraid of it not working.

I just pray this is not some sort of placebo effect and that it lasts.

reunion

I met my best friend from high school for lunch today. She was driving through town with her 2 kids. It was so great to meet up with the kids and chat. Both our hubbies had to work so it was just us girls (well and three little boys). The kids all had fun and Carson loved the new 'friends'.
It was great to just be able to chat like we saw each other every day. So much fun and I can't wait for the chance to do it again.

Donna and I


Nathan and Jacob- Nathan doesn't like to meet new people. Gotta love that face.


Carson and Lauren- Our two little blondies

He's better

Nathan's fever is gone and he's running around like a wild boy again.
When he has a fever it's always super high, but I guess that he burns up that infection quickly.

forgot to post yesterday

It was a tough day b/c little Nathan had a high fever and would not spend a minute off of me.

The bright spot...he wanted me and not Daddy.

An unheard of psychiatrist appointment

Saw the new psych today. He spent over an hour with us (my husband and sister both went with me). He asked a bazillion questions to all of us, read the 5 page typed up paper I gave him with my symptoms, questions, and medication history, and I felt, listened to our answers. What kind of psych actually spends time with a patient? I mean even if you pay for a therapist appointment you only get 45 minutes. Psychiatrists usually leave you feeling very rushed and give you 10-15 minutes max. I was shocked to have a psychiatrist spend so much time with me.

He has an entirely different approach to all this so could be good/could be bad, but at this point; what's the harm in trying?

He gave me a couple of medications he would like me to decide about trying. He asked that my family and I review the materials, research the medications and decide which one we'd like to try. Another first, a doctor that wants me to have some sort of decision making in all this.

I am still very concerned that this will not help or will make me feel anxious again or that if it doesn't work I'll be more hopeless, but like anything, I'll never know if I don't try.

At least I felt listened to, which is a totally new thing with psychs.

It's a Bird, It's a Plane

Sorry but I must: worry spot moment: What if this doctor tomorrow is as useless as the others? What if this is not fixable?


Okay, today my mom came to stay so she could take care of the boys while we are at my appointment.
The boys just love her. They were so excited to put on their new jammies:Superman for Carson & Batman for Nathan complete with capes, and go running around the house.

not much

We got some organizing done today. That's about all I've got.

PJ shopping

Yesterday Carson put on his jammies for bedtime and he didn't look like he was ready for bed, he looked like he was ready for a flood. I know I'm barely walking through my life with any awareness right now, but my golly how did I not notice his need for new PJ's? I'm actually quite picky about clothes, but I guess PJ's don't get my attention.

So I cashed that check from yesterday and went and got him some new PJ's (not all the money obviously). Both he and Nathan were fantastic the whole shopping trip. We went to Toys R Us to get a birthday gift for their cousin first. Not a word was said by either of them about any toys for them. We got exactly what we were looking for and Carson wanted to go pay for it. He was talking about how Braden would love it. Never asked to look at things for himself.

We went to Once Upon a Child and he asked to look at the toys while I picked out stuff to try on. Then he just came and tried on some PJ's and went to the register with me. Nathan sat in the cart the whole time.

We also went to the mall to look at jammies there and they had a craft sale so we shopped around a long time.

Their only request all day was a pretzel at the mall. I wish people could see them when they are being angels.

The most important part of that post is that I was able to get off my exhausted, sleepy butt and get that done.

Money

The most awesome thing...we got a random check from a hospital that I had a C-Scan done at for $113. Apparently they overcharged me! That is a true blessing in disguise.

All the laundry except a load of towels is caught up! That is awesome because I was extremely behind. My sister and mom think it's crazy how many clothes my boys have, but it's because I'm so bad and keeping up with things lately and so it's crucial we have enough to get through a couple weeks.

Pretty decent day

Well if you read my other blog it was an interesting day, but the afternoon/evening has been pretty good.

I went and picked up some pottery we made last week with the boys feetprints on them. It came out great.

The boys were angels at Michael's and didn't touch anything in the store.

I'm calmly enjoying my "So You Think You Can Dance" while the boys are already in bed.

BFP!

One of the sweetest people I know is pregnant. She found out today. She's had a rough history trying to get have a baby. She has one sweet little boy and I'm just over the moon excited for her. Please say lots of prayers for this little one to grow healthy and strong.

This is stretching

Carson was sick today. He woke up puking at 6am. But he went into the bathroom when he got up and puked in there on the floor, but easy clean up and it was just clear liquidy ewww. The rest of the day he curled up in a blanket on the floor and would sit up and puke on a towel. Wahoo for not having any puke messes to clean up.

Now just praying whatever it was doesn't spread to the rest of us.

My parents came to visit

They are still getting everything moved. They close on their house on Wed and officially get into the new house on Friday. They came to bring us their BBQ because my dad is going to get a new one when they get moved. Yeah, no longer using a tiny camp grill!

My dad of course did some weeding and flower planting. He loves doing that stuff and can't resist, which is good with me because I'm not a yard work person. Nathan sat on the ground and got covered in mud and helped Grandpa plant flowers. That boy loves dirt.

Pretty good day

I got some clothes for next summer for Carson for only $2.60 a piece at JCP today!

The boys got to ride in one of those silly things at the mall. Seeing Nathan smile so huge as the rocket ship turned from side to side was well worth the 75 cents. I think he was almost as excited as I would be in a real rocket. (okay maybe not that excited)

I spent a long time talking to our neighbor (who's not home often, but very nice). We talked some about my depression and she was super sweet. She gave me an uplifting article from her church about leaning on God during the hard times with depression. It also had a really fun article about sloths (the animal, not lazy people). I love to read and watch things about nature.

Wow! Three things today. Small, but for me, it's a great day to be able to recognize three really good moments.

2 good things

We managed a trip to the ALDI today. I was so thrilled that both the boys were good boys. Nathan made no fuss about sitting in the cart and Carson walked right by me and he helped to put things into the cart.

When we came home, I let them stay outside (after coming in for a good lathering of sunscreen) and play the rest of the day. Nathan loves water so we filled up his Step2 Sink and Carson rode his scooter. There was very little fighting out there.

Not easy to find one today

Today was not so easy, but the bright spot would have to be that Greg took over with the kids completely and handled dinner and all when he got home. Thank you, honey.

Doctor Penguin

Today Nathan had a follow up appointment with Dr. Dobbs at Children's Hospital. We had to wait while Dr. Dave made a repair to the brace. They were busy and Dr. Dave was without his helpers so we had to wait awhile (we gladly said we would so others could get their tiny babies out quickly, they didn't just ignore us or anything. Nathan likes it there so we don't mind.)

Anyhow.... that was a long, useless, parenthetical phrase....

While we were waiting on the brace, Nathan asked to sit on the stool. I told him that was for doctor's only and he couldn't sit there, it was dangerous.

A few minutes later, he put penguin on the stool. Penguin is Nathan's best buddy (he's actually a quadruplet penguin, he just doesn't know it).

Nathan put penguin on the stool and then sat back into the chair. He then told me, "Penguin Doctor". Penguin Doctor, (or Dr. Penguin I'm not sure how to respectfully address a penguin with a doctorate)then conducted an exam of Nathan's foot. Dr. Dobbs will, I'm sure, be glad to know that Penguin Doctor concurred with his medical opinion.

The Birth of This Spot

When I was completing my student teaching, I was required to keep a journal in which I wrote a short blurb, sometimes just a sentence, identifying a positive part of my day.
We had to write something and there were days that finding a great thing to list was not as easy as one would think, but it was always there. Of course there were other days when I could write three pages of wonderful events.

I know that some days I go to sleep thinking it was a bad day or a day where nothing was accomplished, so my goal is to always find that bright spot in my day, no matter how minuscule it may sometimes seem.

There is always something to be happy about, even if I'm depressed.



*unless you actually understand what depression is the above phrase probably makes no sense to you....so just go with it.